Marriage Funnies

One hundred years ago, conservatives argued against my grandparents getting married on the grounds that they were from different religions. The conservatives rested their case on 3,459 year old essay called the ancient Bible.

Thankfully, my grandparents’ love won the fight.

When my parents were getting married, in some states it was illegal for people to get married who had different skin color. Conservatives again quoted the ancient Bible  in their legal court opinions:

“Almighty God created the races, white, black, yellow, Malay, and red and placed them on separate continents, and but for the interference with his arrangement there would be no cause for such marriages. The fact that he separated the races shows that he did not intend the races to mix.” – Judge Bazile, Caroline County, VA, 1965.

Thankfully, Mildred and Richard Loving won the fight.

Thanks to them, when I married someone of a different race than me, nobody gave us guff.

Today, conservatives argue against some people getting married on the grounds that the couple in love is the same sex. Conservatives again quote the same ancient Bible. The same fire and brimstone essay that scared folks into burning witches. The same essay that for a thousand years justified slavery as God’s divine plan.

I don’t doubt that we will win our fight soon. But I’m just so goddamned tired of fighting the same fight over and over again against the same conservative argument.


Dear Bill O’Reilly,

You said of Marriage Equality, “What if I wanted to marry a box turtle? What’s next?”

Here’s my answer: Yes. If the turtle pays $36, takes a blood test, is a legal resident of the state, has a legal birth certificate, has a social security number, is over 18 years of age, found to be of sound mind, and signs his name with black ink on a civil marriage certificate before the county clerk’s officer and a witness… then, well, yes you can marry that turtle.


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