Hissy Fits: A List of Things Obama Is

Obama’s first term is nearly over. I’ve been bookmarking certain news as “Obama Derangement Syndrome” for four years. The paranoid delusional psychosis was funny for a while, and then the 2010 midterms happened. That’s when several rodeo clowns got into office and raised an amazing amount of money by peddling garbage. It was much more frightening than I anticipated.

Here’s a small sampling of the unhinged fever dreams of the radicals.

They have said:

Obama is Kenyan
Obama is Marxist
Obama is an enemy of humanity
Obama is Fascist
Obama is an oligarch
Obama is Socialist
Obama wants to kill grandma
Obama wants death panels
Obama wants to build his own liberal army
Obama is like Hitler
Obama is like Stalin
Obama’s mother was a whore
Obama is like Goebbels
Obama is like Mengele
Obama is like Lenin
Obama is entirely dependent on teleprompters
Obama throws like a girl
Obama has no birth certificate
Obama is part of the Black Mafia
Obama is a racist
Obama drinks the wrong beer
Obama will tax your favorite beer
Obama eats arugula and fake food
Obama wants nationalized banks
Obama wants a nationalized auto industry forever
Obama is a Communist
Obama hired Van Jones because Jones is also a Communist
Obama wants to indoctrinate school children into Socialism
Obama is a terrorist because Gaddafi called him his son
Obama is like Kim Jong Il
Obama is brainwashing school children into singing his praises
Obama should be overthrown in a coup
Obama has mean, uncivil allies
Obama wants schools to perform secret abortion field trips
Obama wants to force people to get sex-change operations
Obama wants sex clinics in schools
Obama is weak internationally and can’t drive a hard bargain
Obama is bully internationally who blows the Olympics because he’s not respected
Obama is weak internationally when he shows his hand rather than attack Iran
Obama is like a rapist
Obama supports NAMBLA
Obama is worshipped internationally because “the world” is stupid
Obama won’t bomb the Taliban so he bombs the moon
Obama is dithering about the war in Afghanistan
Obama’s HHS is a pedophile training children to be perverts
Obama needs the GOP’s permission to accept the Nobel Peace Prize
Obama is juvenile for saying FoxNews not a real news network
Obama is daring the terrorists to attack us again
Obama wants the DHS to make Tea Partiers wear torture devices on flights
Obama wants to give the USA back to Native Americans
Obama job numbers are doctored in a plot by the Bureau of Labor Statistics
Obama is breaking campaign finance law when it doesn’t accept illegal donations
Obama’s good poll numbers are a conspiracy by everyone
Obama is covering up Benghazi
Obama is an emperor
Obama is acting like a King
Obama is a dictator
Obama is a tyrant
Obama wants Americans to die of Ebola
Obama is an anti-Semite
Obama wants doctors to report your guns
Obama wants to open concentration camps
Obama Concentration Camps will be all run by gay people
Obama wants to invade Texas and impose martial law
Obama wants forcibly depopulate the Earth
Obama wants to convert American woman under Sharia Law
Obama wants gays to rule the world
Obama is covering up the faked moon landings
Obama wants a single North American currency
Obama is lying about how Global warming is a false flag operation by the government
Obama and fluoride is out to control your mind
Obama controls the weather to scare us about Global Warming
Obama wants to to outlaw Christmas cookies and sprinkled doughnuts
Obama murdered Justice Antonin Scalia.

In the last few years of this, the derangement syndrome was monetized. It’s the new normal. There’s now millions of people who have been taught that those things are real things. Why? Follow the money:

  1. Comedians on Fox News invent some new way to be outraged, which attracts eyeballs, which raises ad rates and makes them money.
  2. Then, conservative organizations and elected Republicans hop on board one of the outrages and send out breathless emails to their fans asking for contributions to fight the latest dastardly deed.
  3. Even moderate, sensible Republicans are forced to either move rightward to take part in this sort of speculative bubble economy, or they lose in a primary against a rodeo clown who does.
  4. The entire rightwing wurlitzer makes money and occasionally they’re able to move policy toward the radical right.

This monetization of the Obama Derangement Syndrome is much easier and more profitable than actual work. There’s really only two ways of stopping it: clamp down on media outlets who lie, or get all the money out of elections. All of it.

Categories: politics

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